It's all dense jungle as far as the eye can see. The tree line divides the horizon between the safe place I am standing and the absolute chaos abroad. The sun is warm where I stand, my feet are comfortable in the sand, and everything behind me is well known to me. I have my belongings: a few carefully selected tools, my objects of power, and a few indulgences to appease the indulging parts of myself. This journey into the jungle is long overdue. I am painfully aware that I have betrayed my heart countless times already in this lifetime, and on this day, I will fulfill my contract to make amends. I will give my heart the leadership it deserves, and my heart will lead me into the jungle where I hope to find my salvation.
People have said to me, "You're going on a great adventure! How exciting! And scary." No, it isn't scary. Scary is a word used to describe horror movies, bad dreams and fantasies. The unknown is real, and it is terrifying. It has an obvious effect on my body. To stare off into the unknown is one thing, to go there requires a leap of faith. I can feel the fear pulsating in my body from simply gazing at the treacherous landscape in front of me. My stomach and neck muscles clench, my breath and heartbeat quicken, my senses are noticeably heightened. My mental landscape is writhing in agony. My brain cannot process the complexity of information that my body is sending. It is urging almost invincibly that to fight or flight are my only chances of survival. But I make a commitment to follow my heart, and my heart gently overrules my mind with love and compassion, and the uncomfortable feelings that accompany fear subside. While subdued, fear remains close should it need to emerge and protect me, ever vigilant of every danger. Fear is a strong ally, but a poor leader. Only my heart can successfully navigate this journey.
My heart knows that forward is the only direction available to me. To try and go back would almost certainly mean a short and miserable life. To stay in my current position would almost certainly mean madness (and therefore, likely a short and miserable life). To move forward means to face the unknown...and also to face the totality of myself.
This is my first blog post ever, and I would like explain a few things to any readers. I'm only going to offer this disclaimer this once! This blog is public and available to everyone. Everything I post will be completely true, and I will do my best to be completely objective when reporting events. That being said, I will also be posting my thoughts and conversations about a wide range of topics. Anyone who knows me knows that I have a pretty adamant interest in paranormal, metaphysical, and spiritual subjects. A lot of these subjects are bizarre, and I often talk about them as if they were fact.
I would like to clarify that I only truly believe three things.
One: Every single one of us as human beings perceives the world differently and has a unique life experience.
Two: Every single one of us as human beings want or are looking for something, and we don't really know what that thing is. We may believe that if we accomplish this, or get that, or have this experience that we'll be FINALLY be happy... but we won't. Cover it up all you want with money, drugs, sex, religion, politics, relationships, entertainment, material things, but something will always be missing. There will always be a natural discomfort... unless you can figure out what that thing is and unite with it to be complete.
Three: That thing is totally obtainable for every single person on the earth. Doubtless, many already have.
But for the rest of us, those beliefs lead to all kinds reasoning about psychology, philosophy, God, religion, sociology, and evolution. So many "what's" and "how's" and "why's". So much information is out there as there are so many people trying in their own way to answer these questions. I'll have plenty to say about all of these subjects as we go along, but do I believe any of it? I offer you this quote from "Tales of Power" by Carlos Castaneda: "A warrior acts as if nothing had ever happened, because he doesn't believe in anything, yet he accepts everything at its face value. He accepts without accepting and disregards without disregarding. He never feels as if he knows, neither does he feel as if nothing had ever happened." The world is an ever changing place and I prefer to live fluidly. It enables me to live gently and gracefully while following my heart.
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